Politics

The Daily Mash has crunched the numbers on yesterday's Budget to work out how it will affect your ability to buy all that stupid shit your television keeps telling you that you need.

CHANCELLOR George Osborne is to throw everyone in Coventry out of work after a brilliant suggestion from Harriet Harman.

PUBLIC spending should be cut on everything except all the stuff I use, everyone in Britain said today.

A FRESHLY terrified Britain was gaping into the abyss today as David Cameron handed control of the nation's purse strings to a ginger.

THE government is undermining Question Time's role at the heart of the British constitution, it was claimed last night.

NICK Griffin is to step down as leader of the British National Party and form a funk/reggae fusion project with Aswad.

CARTOON despot Skeletor has launched his bid for the Labour leadership.

LABOUR leadership challenger Ed Miliband pissed the bed when he was 15, David Miliband said yesterday.

BRITAIN'S favourite entertainers are to make everything you buy much more expensive before deciding whether to let you keep your house.

BRITAIN'S long, national nightmare was over last night as the nation was once again placed in the safe, reliable hands of some vaguely effeminate public school boys.