Politics

The self-serving, transparent, favour-abusing texts you've sent vs Boris Johnson's

WE’VE all sent sly texts blatantly intended to bring in a massive favour or get a freebie. But how do yours compare with Boris Johnson’s?

Doing f**k all not really a plan, Johnson told

THE prime minister has been informed that ‘riding it out’ is doing nothing, does not amount to a plan and he should try again.

The pest controller's guide to dealing with a Blair infestation

IS your home, country or media sphere plagued by Tony Blairs that just won’t go away? Rentokil exterminator Roy Hobbs lists your options for getting rid of the critters.

Seven solid rejoinders to 'Boris is trying his best'

YOU’RE meeting lots of relatives this Christmas and at least one of them will come out with ‘Boris is trying his best’. Here’s how to reply:

Life to get real shit real fast from December 26th

THE price for celebrating Christmas without curbs will be months of hardcore lockdown restrictions starting on Boxing Day.

I am leaving for the Brexit in my head, says Lord Frost

LORD Frost has resigned as Brexit minister because the reality of the job was ruining the clean, pure, eternally gratifying Brexit of his imagination.

That's not a work meeting, that's a piss-up, says UK

THE UK’s entire population has rejected claims that the latest Downing Street party is a work meeting because it know a piss-up when it sees one.

'Was it the sleaze, the lies, the Christmas parties or all three?' voters asked

THE Conservatives have asked the people of North Shropshire to specify which horrendous f**k-up made them vote for the Lib Dems.

Don't go thinking this is about you, Lib Dems told

THE Lib Dems have been warned not to think their by-election win in North Shropshire means they are popular or anything.

The Boris Johnson guide to fatherhood

BORIS Johnson is getting to know his new baby, Romy, and desperately trying not to think about the disastrous by-election result. Here he gives his advice on being a great dad.