Politics

THANK you. I attended my birthday party in June 2020, but at no point did I realise I was attending my birthday party. Let me explain.

ACCUSED of holding parties, Islamophobia or murder? Simply order an inquiry into it then say you can’t discuss it because of the inquiry.

A MAN has awoken from a horrific nightmare in which he had f**ked up so badly the only person defending him was Nadine Dorries. 

DAVID Davies yesterday quoted Oliver Cromwell to tell Johnson to piss off. Which other quotes, with helpful amendments, might help the dick get the message? 

BORIS Johnson has found himself in non-stop trouble recently. Here he explains the telltale signs that you might be irretrievably f**ked.

AS a loyal Tory MP, I feel I should make it clear that when I referred to you as a ‘lying sack of shit’, a ‘f**king liability’ and a ‘dead man walking’, I was only kidding.

A CONSERVATIVE MP has crossed the floor sides just in time to enjoy the downfall of his former party.

I NEVER thought it would end like this. In my head, after I’d led Britain roaring back to imperial glory, I have to quit because I’ve been caught f**king someone.

DID you vote for Boris Johnson in 2019? Feeling quite the rosette-wearing cock? Former Boris fan Norman Steele has nine pathetic ways to justify it.

FOUND yourself rooting for that bastard Cummings now that he’s putting the boot into Johnson? Come to terms with this development.