Politics

HOOTS, I’ve caused a stir by saying we should ignore Nicola Sturgeon and Scotchish independence. Here’s what I learned during a government fact-finding trip to this strange, backward little province.

LIZ Truss is posing for a photoshoot in England kit with a football under one arm as we f**king speak, Britain has realised.

LIZ Truss has been accused of distorting accounts of her Northern childhood. Here the surely-this-is-a-joke leadership candidate recounts her impoverished upbringing. 

KEIR Starmer has sacked his deputy Angela Rayner’s boyfriend and suggested that perhaps he could step in on an acting basis.

THE Conservatives cannot fathom how they could possibly end the baffling, motiveless rail strike. These are their panicked ideas thus far.

BORIS Johnson believes he can be prime minister again. Someone needs to explain to him these six reasons why he’ll be far, far happier when he isn’t.

POSSIBLE prime ministers Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak go head to head tonight on ITV. These are the questions they should be asked.

CAN’T wait to find out how Boris Johnson shamelessly lies about events after his disastrous stint in Downing Street? Here’s a sneak preview of chapters from his upcoming biography of himself.

BIG crying babies across the country have demanded they be given their comforting cuddly Boris back or they will scream.

THE ousting of Penny Mordaunt brings shame on the Tory party. Although I’m not normally one to whinge about discrimination, let’s call this what it is: racism against milfs.