Sport

MANCHESTER United remain unchallenged as the jammiest gits in the Premier League, it has emerged.

A MAN at Cheltenham knowledgeably discussing form and accumulators has already lost several hundred pounds, he has confirmed.

AN ARSENAL fan who will never forget what Arsene Wenger achieved for the club has asked him to please fuck off, sir.

ITV is to replace Champions League matches with footage of laughing people who are illegally streaming the matches without signing up for BT sports.

DAVID Haye and Tony Bellew, both fully grown adults, are unable to settle an argument about who is toughest without resorting to violence.

MANCHESTER United’s players have realised they forgot to take the EFL trophy home from Wembley, even though it is so important to them.

LEICESTER City’s owners have sacked title-winning manager Claudio Ranieri, the fans of the club and the city of Leicester itself.

RUGBY Union chiefs have been forced to admit the sport is a bloodletting free-for-all that may need some rules.

THE Champions League has returned after a lengthy break and nobody at Arsenal is sure whether they have gone out yet.

ARSENE Wenger has been warned that he has until 2029 to win the Premier League or face the consequences.