Sport

ARE you a professional footballer who’d like to try not being a total arsehole for once? Simply follow the advice below.

SIR Bradley Wiggins has rejected claims he won the Tour de France on a handful of Purple Hearts and some Mandrax.

FINLAND'S Rinsu Skrnsson defended his Olympic title last night, taking gold in the 2x4000 Uphill Nordic Skjord.

Scientists have proven that women do not experience friendship like we do, being unable to physcially withstand banter.

A SEEMINGLY rational man has boasted about his talent for gambling on sporting events.

A MAN who plays golf regularly is strangely not an arsehole, it has been confirmed.

DAVID Moyes is probably going to have to be West Ham's new manager, the club has wearily announced.

EVERTON have begun searching for a new manager with an advert offering the chance to lead a ‘historic, prestigious club based in Liverpool’.

ENGLAND have qualified for the 2018 World Cup finals in Russia despite their deep misgivings about doing so.