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STABBING a large vegetable until it resembles something scary is always a good thing to do, but here's a selection of 'carvings' that can also stop kids from ringing your bell.

SHARK attacks are a regular occurrence in modern Britain, but what most people don't know is they're actually largely avoidable. Here's how:

Drink

Games: Everyone writes down a solution to the Irish Border question on a Rizla paper and sticks it to someone else's forehead.

MY son has stopped giving a shit about his Lego card album, and actually I couldn’t be happier.

SO you're walking through a train station and someone is coming in the opposite direction and headed right for you...

Have you been left alone with your thoughts when you would normally be playing Flappy Bird? Here’s what you should think about to fill those long, lonely minutes.

All’s fair in love and war Not if you come home to find your partner ensconced in a vigorous ’69’ with someone you regarded as a chum.

ALL scarves look stupid, but if you want really want to look like a huge twat you must choose carefully.

ARE you old? Do you want to embarrass and annoy younger family members? Here’s how to use social media platforms to do just that.