Business

ANN Summers is moving upmarket with a new range aimed at the middle classes, including a stunning open-crotch evening gown.

BUDGET airline Ryanair has vowed to maintain profitability this year, despite rising oil prices, by throwing passengers from its aircraft in mid-flight.

TALK of buying camper vans rose sharply last month and is now at its highest since 1991, the Nationwide building society said last night.

BARCLAYS last night signalled a shake up in the banking industry by cutting its unauthorised overdraft fees from criminally immoral to sickeningly outrageous.

A JUMPED-UP bookie has threatened to boycott British Airways after a stewardess refused to rearrange his caviar into the shape of Charles Bronson in Death Wish II.

WORLD famous explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes is to lead a one-year expedition to discover why the fuck gas prices keep going up. 

MORE than three-quarters of all office workers are either drunk or drinking at their desks right now, according to a new report.

BRITAIN'S leading supermarket chains can only be defeated if a bronze dagger is plunged into their chest by the light of a full moon, the Competition Commission said today.

OIL company executives were last night heading to undisclosed locations amid speculation that consumers were about to make the link between high petrol prices and corporate profits.

BANKS in the UK were fucked yesterday, after a landmark court ruling.