Business

BANK of England governor Mervyn King last night unveiled his latest radical plan to take Britain and fuck it squarely into the middle of next week.

GORDON Ramsay did not swear once during a meeting with his bank manager to discuss the £10 million debt run up by his restaurant business, it emerged last night.

BUDGET airline Ryanair is to introduce the overwhelming stench of bodily waste to its 145 routes across Europe.

AHA ha ha ha ha ha ha, aha ha ha, aha ha ha ha ha, former Royal Bank of Scotland chief executive Sir Fred Goodwin said last night.

THE brain of prime minister Gordon Brown has gone into administration, Downing Street has confirmed. 

FACEBOOK users are celebrating after the social network abandoned its bid to copyright the mind-numbingly tedious details of your pointless life.

THE risk control department at HBOS was run by Evel Knievel for nearly a decade, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN is well on its way to becoming a largely bucket- based economy, it was claimed last night.

DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.

THE former bank bosses blamed for kick-starting the worst recession for 100,000 years were last night urged to take their apologies and ram them so far up their back passages their heads will pop off.