Celebrity

BRITAIN faced a fresh pop crisis last night after it emerged that X Factor favourite Cher Lloyd has been behaving like a teenage girl.

CHERYL Cole dismissed claims of racism last night, insisting it has been years since she physically attacked a black person.

TROUBLED actress Lindsay Lohan is still highly do-able despite all the drugs, doctors have conceded.

DAVID Beckham has angrily denied claims he slept with a prostitute insisting he could only ever be unfaithful to his wife with a contractually branded tart.

THE Queen will today have soup and sandwiches at her Edinburgh home with an insane German criminal she met off a plane.

VICTORIOUS housemate Josie Gibson is to become 'home' for a tiny submarine carrying Celebrity Big Brother contestants, it has emerged.

FREAK wrangler Simon Cowell has signed a 50-year-old woman after footage of her slamdunking a cat became an internet sensation.

BRAVE X Factor judge Cheryl Cole has overcome her recent death with the aid of hooks and pulleys.

X FACTOR winner Joe McElderry's eagerly-anticipated first admission of gayness is to be released this week.

LINDSAY Lohan has been assured that jail will be reminiscent of her 2004 hit film Mean Girls but with a lot more large, aggressive bull-dykes who want to use her for sport.