Celebrity

KATIE Holmes has left the world of Scientology for a more normal type of bullshit by experimenting with Catholicism.

THE pre-nuptial agreement between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes guarantees the Mission Impossible actor sole custody of his wife's Operating Thetan.

THE break-up of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis has left heterosexual men unsure which one they like most.

DOZENS of celebrities are rich, it has emerged.

CELEBRITIES are to have the meaning of the word 'bully' explained to them, in a bid to stop it becoming utterly meaningless.

PEOPLE'S princess Jordan has agreed to marry Argentinian Leandro Penna to prevent war between his country and the British Empire.

BUCKINGHAM Palace has unveiled 12 new things that Prince Harry can do to make himself useful.

THE collection of stuffed humans owned by the late Sir Jimmy Savile, rated as one of the finest in the world, is to be sold at auction.

MASTERCHEF host Gregg Wallace has left the home he shared with a live-in crumble.

CORONATION Street actor Bill Roache and Simply Red frontman Mick Hucknall have bedded the same 1,000 women, it has been confirmed.