Environment

Tory MP apologises for letting Greenpeace protester live

THE Conservative MP accused of assaulting a Greenpeace protester has apologised to fellow dinner guests for not using lethal force.

Being environmentally conscious great way of annoying parents, say 10 year-olds

PRIMARY school children with half a term’s learning about climate change have discovered it is a brilliant way of annoying the sh*t out of everybody.

Middle lane voted 'best lane'

THE middle lane has been voted British Motorway Lane of the Year.

Only consolation of miserable weather is knowing it will f*ck up festivals

BRITONS are cheering themselves up during the rainy weather by remembering it will make the lives of festivalgoers a misery.

The melodramatic tw*t's guide to rain

IS THE bad weather only happening to you? Does everyone else need to hear your wild overreactions to heavy rain? Try these:

Weather forecasters warn of high risk of dickheads this weekend

EXPERTS are urging the public to take care during this weekend’s hot weather due to a sharp rise in dickheads.

Of course the central heating's still on, it's almost June, says Britain

BRITAIN has chided itself for unrealistically hoping that the central heating might be off as early as the end of May.

Five ways to stop climate change if they weren't such a pain in the arse

WITH catastrophic climate change on its way, responsible people like you need to act fast. Here’s what you’d definitely be doing if it wasn’t too much hassle.

What will happen to Britain's ice-cream vans? A five point guide

THE traditional ice-cream van and the double threat it brings to school gates – diesel fumes and sugary snacks – may soon be just a memory. But how can you sustainably repurpose your Mr Whippy?

Most people still reckon Extinction Rebellion is nu metal band

THE British public has admitted it is hesitant about backing climate activists Extinction Rebellion in case they are the new Limp Bizkit.

Dad writes to baby daughter explaining why he chose steak over the planet

A LETTER by a father to his baby daughter explaining why he chose roast dinners, frequent flying and a fast car over her future has gone viral.

How to feel young again when you've accidentally enjoyed a trip to the garden centre

HAVE you returned from the garden centre with seven packets of seeds and a warm sense of contentment? Here’s how to nip those weird middle-aged feelings in the bud.