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Environment

That's enough sun for this year, says Britain

THE public has had its fill of the sun and is happy to spend the rest of 2026 in perpetual darkness, they have confirmed.

Keep your coat on in case it turns nippy: Northerners' heatwave advice for the rest of the country

BRITAIN is in the grip of another heatwave, not that it will trouble bluff, no-nonsense Northerners. Here is their advice to the rest of the nation.

Genital hygiene, and other responsibilities you can sack off in a heatwave

AS you brace yourself for another heatwave, remember you can use it as an excuse to get out of annoying tasks. Such as these time-wasting chores.

Frail 93-year-old encouraged to 'make the most of the heatwave'

A GREAT-GRANDMOTHER is being coaxed by her family to enjoy the wonderful sunshine of the next few days while it, and she, lasts.

Concern about climate change evaporates with falling temperature

A FALL in temperatures across the UK has been mirrored by a fall in concern about climate change, which is no longer the pressing issue it was on Thursday afternoon.

Total f**king bastard slept well last night

AN insufferable man has woken up feeling refreshed after getting a full eight hours of sleep last night.

London should stay this hot, agrees rest of UK

You can tell your boss to f**k off if it hits 40C, and other little-known heatwave facts

EVERYONE knows the risks of a heatwave by now, but there are less well-known facts you should be aware of. Such as these.

Man on train stalled outside Kettering for four hours says it's not as bad as the England game

Pets boil and explode: the traumatic heatwave events the media is gagging for

THE media absolutely loves unpleasantly hot weather with scary official warnings. Now we’re heading for record temperatures, here’s how they’d like to see the UK suffer.