Snow falling across North as per bloody usual

SNOW is falling across Scotland and northern England just as it always does right into bloody August.

Seven alternatives for when you forget your dog poo bags

YOUR delightful dog takes a dump right outside the school gates, and you’re all out of biodegradable bags? Here’s how to deal with the dirt...

How to disconnect from nature post-lockdown

THE UK has never been more in touch with nature than during this last interminable lockdown where there’s nothing to do but go for a muddy walk. Here’s how to stop:

Twats out and about, and the other signs spring has sprung

IS the long lockdown winter finally over? Have we begun our long, wet, dull, Easter egg-eating lockdown spring?

Beautiful dusting of white snow the last thing we f**king need

A MAGICAL snowfall which has made the whole of Britain look fresh and new is the final f**king straw, residents have confirmed.

Insurer disgusted by suggestion it might have to 'pay out' over floods

AN insurance company is horrified by the suggestion that it might ‘pay out’ to ‘claimants’ on its ‘policies’. 

What to do if you're a British crab who can't get to the EU

POST-BREXIT, plucky British crabs are being refused entry to the EU because of petty rules about live animal imports that prove we were right to leave. What could they do?

Cocky motorists to drive into unexpectedly deep floods

BRITAIN’S idiot drivers have vowed to try their luck at driving through floodwater after having a guess at how deep it is.

Man recognises individual blades of grass in local park

A MAN is so familiar with his local park that he can tell blades of grass apart from one another, he has confirmed.

You thought 2020 was bad? Highlights of the year to come

GOODBYE and good riddance 2020, but there’s no reason to believe 2021 won’t be even more of a shitstorm.

Ethical crackers 'a load of wank'

MODERN crackers that do not even contain a magic fish or plastic jumping frog are just wank, everyone has agreed.

Ways to make the most of the 43 minutes of daylight you're getting today

DO you wake up to clear blue winter skies only to find the sun’s gone by the time you’re dressed? Here’s how to make the most of your tiny slice of daylight.