Environment

Time altered to suit nation's several remaining milkmen and farmers

TIME has once again been altered because of about a dozen people who still deliver milk or grow things.

Who are these f**kers throwing their facemasks away in the street? An investigation

IN every city street and country lane in Britain an abandoned facemask lies dirty and forlorn. But exactly who are the twats throwing them away, and why? 

Woodland porn magazine populations facing extinction

A NEW campaign is aiming to bring back discarded pornographic magazines to Britain’s woodlands.

All the ways leaves will f**k you up this autumn

UNFORTUNATELY it’s autumn, which means dead bits of trees are falling from their branches. Here’s how they plan to ruin your life.

Meat-eating family of six want to tell you how to save the environment

A LARGE, omnivorous family living in a five-bedroom house with four acres of grounds would like to lecture you on protecting the environment.

Cat announces plans to shit all over everyone's gardens this weekend

A CAT has confirmed that it will do its utmost to shit exactly where you plan to tread in your front and back garden.

Foxes waiting til you start to drift off before starting all-night f**kfest

FOXES in your area have announced that one of the longest and loudest all-night orgies on record will begin the moment you try to get to sleep.

Greta Thunberg's class had no idea she was gone

GRETA Thunberg has returned to school to find neither her teacher or any of her classmates noticed she was gone.

Five ways your parents are being a pain in the arse during the heatwave

THE unusually hot weather is providing your parents with many exciting new ways to pester you. Here is some of their worst nonsense.

Eight things to do when your holiday cottage is hit by a massive storm

HAS your lovely holiday weather been brought to an end by a huge storm? Here’s eight things to do until it’s over.

Britain warned to expect month's worth of rain chat in two hours

EXPERTS have warned Britain to prepare for intense periods of mindless chatter about the weather when the heatwave breaks.

Static caravan becomes roasting tin

A STATIC caravan on the Isle of Wight has become a roasting tin capable of cooking a family of four in one hour 40 minutes, they have confirmed.