Environment

The boomer's guide to not being responsible for climate change

BABY boomer? Feel unfairly attacked by the younger generation for the state you’ve got the world in? Here’s how to how to explain it definitely wasn’t your fault.

Chlorinated chicken insists it just likes being clean

CHLORINATED chicken has protested at its demonising by the UK media, insisting there is no shame in being clean.

Month's weather to happen in an hour

THE weather for the whole of the next 30 days is to take place in a single hour this afternoon, forecasters have confirmed. 

Mum just so f**king excited about daffodils

A MOTHER is absolutely losing her sh*t at seeing daffodils blooming again, her family have confirmed.

Extreme weather ordered to stay in regions

EXTREME weather events have been ordered to concentrate on Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland where they do not mind because they are used to it. 

The selfish b*stard's guide to leaving your engine running

CAN’T be bothered to turn your car engine off while your partner goes shopping for 40 minutes? Here’s how to explain why you’re being such a selfish b*stard.

Some dick going down high street in canoe

SOME twat is making a mockery of the flooded high street by going down it in a canoe, locals have confirmed. 

Storm creates no problems for people who just wanted to stay in and get drunk

PEOPLE who had just wanted to stay at home and drink while watching TV have confirmed the storm was not a problem.

Wales gone

WALES is not there anymore.

Greta Thunberg is 'pathetic', says middle-aged man who can't load dishwasher

A MIDDLE-aged man who cannot load a dishwasher has dismissed Greta Thunberg as a 'useless waste of space'.

Neighbours' recycling bins more compelling than anything on Netflix

A WOMAN has discovered her neighbours' recycling bins are more interesting than anything on Netflix.

Cold weather to continue while Britain remains island off coast of Europe in winter

FORECASTERS have warned that the current cold weather will continue as long as Britain remains an island betweeen continental Europe and the Atlantic during winter.