Environment

The selfish b*stard's guide to leaving your engine running

CAN’T be bothered to turn your car engine off while your partner goes shopping for 40 minutes? Here’s how to explain why you’re being such a selfish b*stard.

Some dick going down high street in canoe

SOME twat is making a mockery of the flooded high street by going down it in a canoe, locals have confirmed. 

Storm creates no problems for people who just wanted to stay in and get drunk

PEOPLE who had just wanted to stay at home and drink while watching TV have confirmed the storm was not a problem.

Wales gone

WALES is not there anymore.

Greta Thunberg is 'pathetic', says middle-aged man who can't load dishwasher

A MIDDLE-aged man who cannot load a dishwasher has dismissed Greta Thunberg as a 'useless waste of space'.

Neighbours' recycling bins more compelling than anything on Netflix

A WOMAN has discovered her neighbours' recycling bins are more interesting than anything on Netflix.

Cold weather to continue while Britain remains island off coast of Europe in winter

FORECASTERS have warned that the current cold weather will continue as long as Britain remains an island betweeen continental Europe and the Atlantic during winter.

Couple offer to reduce environmental impact by giving back third child

A COUPLE concerned about their carbon footprint have confirmed they are more than happy to give up their third child.

Man's pockets just filthy bins

A MAN uses his pockets exclusively as a place to store his rubbish.

Having massive carbon footprint linked to being alive

PRODUCING carbon emissions that impact the environment is an unfortunate side effect of simply being alive, it has emerged.

Vegan carves apology into pumpkin

A COMMITTED vegan has carved a tearful sorry note into a pumpkin for what it has had to suffer.

The Daily Mail reader’s guide to Extinction Rebellion

ARE you a Daily Mail reader? Is your hatred of Extinction Rebellion furious, irrational and entirely uninformed?