Rutland, and other British counties that can't be real because you've never been there

WHERE the f**k is Rutland? And who has ever heard of Denbighshire? You’ve never been to these places, so they must be made up.

Six inches of snow well above average, say men

MEN have pointed out that the six inches of snow due to fall on the country is much, much more than the national average.

All sunset photos the same

EVERY photograph of a sunset, whether taken by a professional photographer in the Maldives or on an iPhone 6S in Llandudno, looks exactly the same.

Storm Isha sequel recycling same old plot beats and tropes

STORM Jocelyn is failing to engage audiences after retreading scenes and plot points from its immediate predecessor.

Trampolines magnificent in flight, agrees Britain

THERE are few sights more majestic to behold than the humble trampoline swooping and soaring high overhead, Britain has agreed.

The Met Office has asked the public to be on tornado watch. So I cannot work this morning

STORM Isha has devastated Britain. The whole country is under a weather alert and the public is on tornado watch. So, in all conscience, I cannot work.

Expensive German cars 'can probably drive straight through floods'

OWNERS of costly German cars confident they can handle a mere two feet of floodwater have been encouraged to test their belief.

Pine needles announce they're going f**king nowhere

THE pine needles that have dropped from your Christmas tree have confirmed you will still be finding them buried in the carpet years from now.

Woman dreaming of white Christmas that strands relatives

A WOMAN is hoping it snows over Christmas so that her extended family will be unable to travel and visit her, it has emerged.

COP28 celebrates historic fossil fuel agreement by setting fire to oil well

DELEGATES at COP28 have celebrated their decision to move away from fossil fuels by setting fire to an oil well, it has emerged.