Hot Londoners urged to bitch about it even more

THE rest of the UK has urged Londoners suffering record heat to bitch about it even more than they already are.

Coldplay's guide to protecting the environment. Sponsored by BP

I don’t want to come on the heavy preacher but sometimes I look out of our private jet at the little people on the ground like insects and think - are you really doing enough to save Planet Earth? 

Weather enters 'what the f**k should I wear' phase

THE arrival of spring means people across the UK will be wearing the wrong thing every day for the next two months.

Indoor plants are pussies, outside plants confirm

PLANTS that tough it out in the garden have confirmed that plants which live pampered lives indoors are absolute pussies.

F**k everything, it's sunny, says public

THE public has decided to ignore all social responsibilities and work commitments because it is sunny out, it has been confirmed.

Don't go and take photos of the sea for f**k's sake: Storm advice for dickheads

WITH Britain braced for the storm of the century, the Met Office is offering clear advice to dickheads who’ll ignore it: 

Milton Keynes and other places to recommend as 'charming' to American tourists

AMERICANS picture Britain as swinging London and quaint little thatched villages. Direct them to these hidden gems and see how they f**king like it.

Farmers furious at government giving them same money to grow different shit

THE UK’s farmers are up in arms at government plans to continue handing them large subsidies but to grow slightly different things. 

Climate hero rejects plastic bag and bravely carries loose shopping to Range Rover

A HEROIC man has eschewed using a plastic bag during a trip to the supermarket and carried the loose items directly to the boot of his huge car.

Prince Charles’ guide to living a radical green lifestyle

WITH the planet in peril, it falls to wise yet humble people like me to set an example of living a frugal and sustainable lifestyle. Here are my tips.