The Greenpeace guide to making a great point in the worst way possible

AS A Greenpeace activist I’m saving the earth any way I can, even if that means crashing into France vs Germany like a reckless wanker.

Partial eclipses shit, astronomer confirms

A PARTIAL eclipse of the sun is f**king nothing compared to the total one we had in 1999, an astronomer has confirmed.

The sound of flip-flops, and other annoying side effects of hot weather

TRYING to relax in wonderful sunshine but instead just irritated? It’s because high temperatures have these unfortunate side-effects.

The moron's guide to noticing it's raining

DO you think the weather is a fascinating topic of conversation and not in fact f**king dull? Here’s how to point out that rain droplets are falling from the sky today.

Bank Holiday didn't count because it rained

YESTERDAY’S Bank Holiday did not count because it pissed down all day so can be taken in lieu today, the government has announced.

Snow falling across North as per bloody usual

SNOW is falling across Scotland and northern England just as it always does right into bloody August.

Seven alternatives for when you forget your dog poo bags

YOUR delightful dog takes a dump right outside the school gates, and you’re all out of biodegradable bags? Here’s how to deal with the dirt...

How to disconnect from nature post-lockdown

THE UK has never been more in touch with nature than during this last interminable lockdown where there’s nothing to do but go for a muddy walk. Here’s how to stop:

Twats out and about, and the other signs spring has sprung

IS the long lockdown winter finally over? Have we begun our long, wet, dull, Easter egg-eating lockdown spring?

Beautiful dusting of white snow the last thing we f**king need

A MAGICAL snowfall which has made the whole of Britain look fresh and new is the final f**king straw, residents have confirmed.