Environment

AFTER the angry reaction to litter in our nation’s parks and on its beaches, you might be looking for new ways to ruin Britain’s beauty spots. Here are some suggestions.

ENVIRONMENTAL campaigner Greta Thunberg is to spend summer touring Europe in an ice cream van ladling warm cream into your cupped hands for £7.

A HEATWAVE in Britain guarantees inane conversations about the weather. Here are some things to say to help you join in.

A BUILDER'S intimate understanding of the structural details of a house is making a woman question whether her husband will ever be able to satisfy her again.

DO you have difficulty distinguishing between a legitimate place to relieve yourself and the kind of monument you claim to be defending?

A FAMILY who went on a long-anticipated trip to beautiful countryside loved it so much they couldn’t be f**ked to take their litter home.

DRIVING like a bit of a bellend is completely acceptable at the moment, Britons have agreed.

THE Welsh Tourism Board has launched a new campaign warning English people that if they cross the border they will be hunted down by irate locals. 

A GROUP of children on an enriching nature walk could not have given less of a shit about it, they have confirmed.

A GLOBAL pandemic locking down a third of the world’s population has finally motivated a British man to mow the lawn.