Food

THE nation's children will have eaten so much Easter chocolate they will be sick by lunchtime, it has been confirmed.

FISH have demanded to know why pescatarians are uncomfortable eating all other animals but fine with chewing up and swallowing their dead flesh.

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has consumed an entire Cadburys’ Easter egg by sticking her head in a cupboard so her children remained unaware.

DO you think an obsession with extremely hot and spicy food is an utterly fascinating personality trait? Take our test and find out if you might be a bit of a chilli bore.

SALT here, king of the condiments, the wonderful white stuff that makes everything better. You know who I resent? My workshy colleague, pepper.

HAVING one too many in the pub must do strange things to the taste buds, because it's the only place where you eat these deranged foods.

A SOPHISTICATED Northern man has asked to see the list of available sauces rather than just plump for the house red.

PANCAKES are quick, easy and delicious, so why not ruin them by f**king about being fancy? These unnecessary twists will make every heart sink.

YOUR daughter started uni last year and immediately became a tiresome vegan. Here’s how to feed her when she pops home for the weekend - while still guzzling meat like a wolf yourself.

PUTTING oat milk in tea ruins it and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is a lying bastard, it has been confirmed.