Health

TAKING up running isn’t so attractive when it’s pissing with rain and freezing, but you’ve never been this fat. So how can you emerge from lockdown healthy?

A NEW national lockdown is necessary to buy time to create a bold new set of excuses for the lockdown after that, the government has admitted.

ALL this lockdown bullshit is happening again exactly like the f**king last time, Britain has wearily confirmed.

SCHOOLS in England are to remain open for a crucial few days to enable fast and efficient Covid transmission, the government has confirmed.

A WOMAN only bothers her GP when the symptoms she has Googled are life-threatening, she has confirmed.

HELLO, we’re the government and this is what you should be doing over Christmas 2020.

THE residents of a Berkshire town are blaming the dirty bastards in their rival town for the restrictions placed on them.

NORTHERNERS have confirmed that they do not find London and the South-East’s tier 4 lockdown as Kent becomes a lorry park in any way amusing.

DESPITE a grim year of lockdown and restrictions, some people seem determined to carry on completely as normal. Check you’re not one of these tossers.

CONFUSED that an alteration of Covid rules is the same as the government cancelling Christmas, like the Puritans?