Health

RURAL people have a long tradition of hating outsiders regardless of coronavirus, they have explained.

THE government claims ‘staying alert’ will protect us from coronavirus, even though it’s clearly bollocks. Here are some more things the vacuous new slogan won’t protect you from.

TEACHERS will get to be pandemic heroes by risking death for salaries which do not in any way reflect that.

PHOTOS of Londoners cramming onto tube trains are sickening me, a man who lives and works in a small cathedral city three hours’ drive away. 

THE relaxation of lockdown has many Britons asking questions just to be argumentative and cause trouble. I’ll grudgingly answer a few here.

A MAN is watching out for objects 400 times smaller than can be seen with the naked eye so as not to catch coronavirus.

WITH a clear, common sense exit plan in place, things will gradually get back to normal. Right?

SEVEN weeks into staying in all day with nothing to do but eat, we’re all already fat. But how much fatter will you get?

A MAN who feels like a right knobhead for being the only person in Asda wearing a mask has argued they should be made compulsory.

A COMPLETE twat is preparing to celebrate the easing of lockdown with a gathering of likeminded knobheads at his house.