Health

IDIOTS planning to meet up for a bank holiday piss-up are convinced it is fine because COVID-19 will be having the weekend off.

ARE you baffled by the government’s approach to easing lockdown? Here prime minister Boris Johnson explains what you should do next week.

IT IS in no way time for lockdown to end, but new car sales hit their lowest point since the war last month so the Tories believe the time has come to risk lives.

YES, I broke lockdown. But if you had any idea just how much triple-A pussy you can get mathematically modelling the spread of disease, you’d understand.

SO far, the end-of-year montage for 2020 is going to be you sat at home watching other people sat in their homes. But could these miracles turn the year around?

A MAN with a fresh ‘I Love NHS’ is beginning to worry that he needs a trip to A&E.

DESPERATE for attention? Sick of some virus stealing your thunder? Here’s how to make this global pandemic all about you.

A TEENAGE boy is regularly heading outside to partake in some mysterious exercise that makes him smell like burnt leaves, his parents have confirmed.

EXTREMELY unusual but ultimately necessary behaviours have been rebranded as 'the new normal'.

A WOMAN taking part in weekly online yoga sessions is enjoying the freedom to fart audibly throughout.