Health

THE coronavirus has admitted it has changed its outlook on life after spending Saturday night in a field near Oldham out of its box on E.

ARE you wondering how the government’s daily briefings manage to be quite so pointless? Here is the Q&A document used by Matt Hancock or whoever gets the short straw that day.

CHILDREN who have been at home for the past 12 weeks have sacked off schooling to concentrate on being a pain in the arse.

A WOMAN who has barely left the house in months because she is paranoid about coronavirus will f**k it all off for a haircut, she has confirmed.

ARE you at risk of attracting horrified stares by coughing in public? Here’s how to style it out.

PEOPLE develop immunity to coronavirus after consuming four pints of beer, drunk people have confirmed.

YOUR elderly parents are in a high-risk group so they haven't left the house or let anyone in for the last 10 weeks. Apart from the following:

THE government has ordered anyone who uses public transport, shops at Asda or whose home is in council tax bands A-C to wear facemasks. 

AS lockdown eases it was clearly no biggie and there’s every reason for complacency. Here are some things everyone has stopped doing now COVID-19 has been sent packing.

NHS workers and supermarket staff have agreed that as they are risking their lives then the MPs who order them to can bloody well do the same.