Health

PATIENTS do not have to finish courses of antibiotics if they feel better but that is not the same as wanting to get hammered, doctors have warned.

THE middle classes have confirmed that they do not eat takeaways, even when buying food at an establishment and removing it to consume elsewhere.

OLIVES are just normal grapes that have become evil, researchers have found.

VEGANS have repeated their claim that they have their own type of cheese.

THE UK has told the Conservatives that they could halve drug use at a stroke by going away and never coming back.

CHEESE is so good that if it were possible to cook it with a blowtorch and inhale it deeply into the lungs it would definitely be worth it, Britain has agreed.

A MAN who adopted a ‘clean living’ lifestyle is now getting 'high' on being incredibly sanctimonious.

A MAN who spent his youth taking ecstasy is finding it impossible to reach the same levels of bliss by going to the gym, he has confirmed.

A MAN has stopped working out after realising no-one gives a tuppenny toss about how long he spends at the gym.

A PREGNANT woman complimented for her healthy glow is actually sweating cobs and exhausted, she has confirmed.