Health

DOCTORS have been ordered to refer obese patients to cookery classes by a horrendously patronising posh arsehole in government somewhere.

WOMEN lose interest in sex during long-term relationships because the whole thing is just silly, a survey has found.

A MIDDLE-AGED former raver can no longer cope with the physical and psychological effects of a can of Red Bull, he has admitted.

A PATIENT surrounded by a junior doctor and a crowd of eager young medical students has been told to 'just relax'.

JEREMY Hunt has paid £44,000 for a shower room in his office after employing the same plumber who installed the NHS computer system.

CONTAMINATED eggs will replace your entire head with the smooth, featureless ellipse of an egg, scientists have warned.

NORTHERN men are dying younger to avoid three decades of light-hearted tomfoolery around the Yorkshire Dales.

CUTS to NHS maternity services mean that women in labour will now simply be offered a stick to bite.

A FAMILY that refuses all vaccinations has a natural immunity to science and facts, it has emerged.

A NORTHERN man has returned from a trip to the Cotswolds and confirmed that the Sainsbury’s there has unusual vegetables.