Health

GOING to hospital? That’s your right as a British citizen, until further notice, but before you step past the smokers at the doors you should know what the risks are.

DELIGHTED colleagues have confirmed that every single one of them has had the horrendous cold that never stops over the whole of Christmas.

PARENTS have been urged to stop wasting healthy, home-cooked food on their dreadful children.

AN OFFICE worker has called in sick for the second day on the trot so that no one will ever know he didn't have what he’s calling ‘a nasty bug’.

A WOMAN who is really happy to ‘go with the flow’ also won’t eat anything without first thoroughly inspecting the ingredients list.

EVANGELISTS for the wonders of coffee have become even more intolerable after scientists confirmed it is good for your health.

A MOTHER has streamlined her wine consumption by feeding it directly into her bloodstream.

A MAN has noticed that everything in his shopping basket is cheese, has cheese on it or will have cheese somehow added to it.

A MAN who has taken up boxing so he can tell people he is a boxer admitted he is basically paying money to get punched in the face.

ANYONE who claims they only need four hours sleep a night is a lying tired bastard, it has been confirmed.