Health

A 30-YEAR-OLD man has announced that he will be getting fatter and fatter over the coming decades.

A CYCLIST has achieved a new personal best by commuting to work in a skintight lycra bodysuit that shows the exact outline of his groin.

SENIOR doctors have condemned plans for strike action by junior colleagues because it may lead to them communicating directly with patients.

A MAN has bought some sandalwood-scented joss sticks, according to concerned onlookers.

THE NHS will be an illegal underground network of flooded black-market hospitals manned by sinister masked surgeons by 2020, it has emerged.

A MAN’S third pint explained in a friendly but firm voice that he would be staying out for the rest of the evening, it has emerged.

A PLATEFUL of shrubbery tastes nicer than the ‘superfood’ kale, according to people who eat a large amount of kale.

EVERYONE in Britain is secretly drinking 15-20 cans of cheap, unbranded energy drinks a day, it has been confirmed.

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD watching his mother give birth would rather be at the zoo, it has emerged.

GLUTEN is the magic ingredient that makes everything from bread to biscuits taste delicious, research has confirmed.