International

SUPPORTERS of the arrested Russian punks Pussy Riot have warned that the band may be forced to promote dairy products.

AUSTRALIA'S woeful medal tally is explained by its residents' disdain for any activity that emphasises the physical over the mental, it has been claimed.

ALL the major Martian cities have been successfully destroyed.

ALL clocks and timepieces stopped across Syria on July 15 at 18:07 local time, it has emerged.

SEBASTIAN Coe has urged the government to start annexing small defenceless countries to boost Team GB’s medal hopes.

NORTH Korea has laughed off the mix-up which saw the South Korean flag accompany their women’s football team’s arrival at Glasgow’s Hampden Stadium.

BRITAIN is to simultaneously help both sides in Syria's bloody civil war, it has emerged.

THE People's Republic of China has announced plans for its entire female population to become astronauts.

TICKETS for the London 2012 Olympics belonging to Russian president Vladimir Putin are available for purchase on eBay.

KOFI Annan has floored Syria's President Bashar al-Assad with a single blow.