International

BARACK Obama swept to victory last night as millions of Americans lapped up all that bullshit about change.

THE Madrid government last night sprang to the defence of Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross hailing them as the new heroes of anti-Spanish racism.

INDIA is to build a state of the art, multi-million dollar hospital on the moon.

FORMER US Secretary of State Colin Powell last night reassured white voters that Barak Obama's Oval Office will not be filled with the thick fug of ganja cigarettes.

A DAMAGING split emerged at the United Nations last night as western governments called for a new resolution guaranteeing the right to do it on a beach.

A MAN arrested by US police for the assassination of a lawnmower was a communist sympathiser who acted alone, the FBI said last night. 

FORMER Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic has been forced to hand in his notice at the Belgrade video shop where has been working for the last 12 years.

IRAN was last night reassessing its decision to walk up to America and kick it squarely in the nuts.

A SHARP rise in the price of snails is forcing millions of hard-up Frenchmen to eat their own bogies. 

THE Canadian Mounted Police has vowed to capture every one of the 12 million bees that escaped from an overturned truck earlier this week.