International

THE world's 800 million lesbians are to club together and set up their own country.

AUSTRIA'S chancellor has vowed to restore the country's international image with a £40 million 'Birthplace of Hitler' marketing campaign. 

SYRIA is to outsource its evil plotting to North Korea in a £3 billion deal to create the world's biggest terror brand.

THE socio-economic system which has governed much of the globe for over a century finally stopped working at around 9pm last night, the United Nations has confirmed.

BRITAIN'S xenophobes were last night celebrating the arrival of an enormous, foul-smelling metaphor wafting over the channel from continental Europe.

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin is to propose to his girlfriend at his favourite Moscow sushi restaurant, the Kremlin has announced. 

US televangelist Pat Robertson has branded the Pope a dangerous liberal and challenged him to prove his Christian credentials in a televised Jew-hating contest. 

SEATS at the Olympic opening ceremony, boycotted by western leaders, are to be given to some of China's star executioners, the Beijing government said last night.

IRELAND'S leprechaun catchers were grabbing their nets and pulling on their boots last night as the country began it's search for a new leader.

PRESIDENT Robert Mugabe has agreed to resign in exchange for a pension of 5000 gazillion Zimbabwean dollars a year.