International

PLANS to build a state-of-the-art library next to Republican catastrophe Sarah Palin are causing outrage across mainstream America.

LOURDES, home of the magic Jesus bath, has added fake car bombs to its hoax repertoire.

SUPERMODEL Naomi Campbell was at the head of a brutal war machine that slaughtered thousands, it was claimed last night.

NAOMI Campbell has revealed how her appearance at some silly war crimes trial had forced her to delay a vital eyelash conditioning appointment.

OUTKAST sex hurricane Andre '3000' Benjamin has launched a bid to become President of the People's Funkpublic of Funkadonia.

THE relatives pocketing the pension of a Japanese man who had been dead in his bed for 30 years were last night asked exactly how they thought this was going to pan out.

DAVID Cameron will today ask President Obama if there is any chance he could bring back Dallas.

AID organisations are parachuting emergency fried breakfasts into Greece after a tour operator's collapse left thousands of Britons stranded without proper bacon.

IF the Home Office has even a shred of decency left it will immediately replace Anna Chapman with something of comparable humpability, Britain's men said last night.

IRAN is hoping to attract thousands of Western tourists after rebranding itself as the ultimate destination for lovers.