International

Pope To Fulfil Lifelong Dream Of Invading Britain

POPE Benedict will fulfil a childhood dream next year by invading Britain as the infallible head of a fanatical regime. 

Obama To Meet Bulgarian Deputy Sports Minister

PRESIDENT Obama has cleared his schedule for a high level meeting with Bulgaria's deputy minister for sport.

Duuuh, Everyone Tells Jimmy Carter

EVERYONE said 'duuuh' last night after former US president Jimmy Carter accused Barack Obama's critics of racism.

Now Try It With Ice Cubes In Your Mouth, Gaddafi Tells Brown

COLONEL Gaddafi last night told Gordon Brown that it felt really good, but maybe he could try it with a couple of ice cubes in his mouth.

Chavez Bans Felicity Kendal

VENEZUELAN President Hugo Chavez has banned all material relating to Felicity Kendal, describing her as 'the ultimate sex totem of the idle bourgeoisie'.

Americans Without Health Insurance Attack Plan To Give Them Health Insurance

FAT, stupid Americans with no health insurance have attacked plans to stop them dying so easily.

Hillary Shoves Cigar Into African Student

US SECRETARY of state Hillary Clinton has finally answered the Congolese student who wanted to know her husband's opinions, by shoving a large cigar up his backside.

France Absolutely Reeks, Says Foreign Office

HOLIDAYMAKERS have been warned that Northern France is absolutely honking.

It's okay to have a small penis, world tells Putin

RUSSIAN president Vladimir Putin has been told it is okay to have a smaller than average penis and that he can stop all this nonsense whenever he likes.

Oh No, He's Rubbish, Says America

PRESIDENT Obama staged an awkward beer conference with a policeman and an angry professor last night, amid growing concerns he might not be very good at this.