International

IF the Home Office has even a shred of decency left it will immediately replace Anna Chapman with something of comparable humpability, Britain's men said last night.

IRAN is hoping to attract thousands of Western tourists after rebranding itself as the ultimate destination for lovers.

PAUL, the psychic octopus, has been inundated with knickers from thousands of randy women.

ANNA CHAPMAN, the suspected Russian spy, also has a cracking set of charlies, the FBI confirmed last night.

THE people of Belgium faked the destruction of their country in a bid to meet Angelina Jolie, it has emerged.

BP is to set up an oil spill compensation fund which experts say will ultimately be used to buy country and western music and books about creationism.

PRESIDENT Obama's handling of the Gulf oil spill is starting to make him come across as a bit of an arsehole, it emerged today.

ISRAEL'S attack on a Palestinian aid ship will make it easier for Guardian readers to sound as if they know what they are talking about, it was claimed last night.

DOZENS of women have written to Pope Benedict asking if Roman Catholic priests can be allowed the occasional hand job.

A MAN lost his job last night for claiming that Russians love bribing people.