International

PROSTITUTES across Spain are ordering a range of home improvements after their earning estimates for next year were revised upwards.

THE Vatican blocked a visit by French first lady Carla Bruni in order to prevent a full-scale Papal engorgement, it has been confirmed.

THE first of the trapped Chilean miners brought to the surface have admitted that four of their colleagues were delicious.

THE president of Iran last night fought off an angry United Nations General Assembly using nothing but a medium sized courgette.

MEN cannot resist touching themselves while watching Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation diatribe, it has emerged.

POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.

A CHURCH in Florida is to commemorate the anniversary of the 9-11 atrocity by causing another one.

THE Pope was last night accused of using British taxpayers to protect himself from non-sexually transmitted bullets.

BEING trapped down a mine shaft in Chile for four months is starting to sound not too bad, men across Britain said last night.

THE Chinese were celebrating another great leap forward today as their lives finally achieved Western levels of hellish pointlessness.