International

IF an independent Scottish army is not going to be like Braveheart then there is no point in doing it, everyone has agreed.

THE Vatican has maintained its recent trend of choosing Popes who were adjacent to fascism.

The Daily Mash presents a cut-out-and-keep guide to Francis, the first Jesuit  Pope who also happens to be Argentinean.

THE large number of dead pigs found in a Shanghai river is the result of a mermaid hen party, it has emerged.

THE penguins of the Falkland Islands last night continued to play the 'long game'.

GUARDIAN readers were today in mourning for a man who would have banned the Guardian if it was in Venezuela.

A 24-YEAR-OLD swimwear model called Cassius has emerged as favourite for the Papacy.

THE MARRIED couple sent to Mars will have a falling-out when they miss the planetary turn-off, it has been claimed.