International

HILLARY Clinton opened a new chapter in the West's diplomatic relations with Iran yesterday by describing the country as 600,000 square miles of sand-infested whackjobs.

NATO's latest Afghan strategy aims to wean the Taliban off Islamic fundamentalism and onto obsessing about their living rooms.

THE arrest of a US soldier accused of sticking his daughter's head in a sink has sparked a national debate over when it is acceptable to water-board a child.

THE American Tea Party movement closed its convention yesterday with a traditional throwing of freshly deposited faeces.

A BRITISH tourist last night described the moment he was attacked by Dannii Minogue while diving off the coast of Northern Australia.

THE Colorado balloon hoax is really a hoax balloon hoax, the FBI said last night.

A QUARTER of the world's population is unable to have a few sherberts or stare at some knockers they do not already own, according to new research.

POPE Benedict will fulfil a childhood dream next year by invading Britain as the infallible head of a fanatical regime. 

PRESIDENT Obama has cleared his schedule for a high level meeting with Bulgaria's deputy minister for sport.

EVERYONE said 'duuuh' last night after former US president Jimmy Carter accused Barack Obama's critics of racism.