International

GORDON Brown will today ask Barak Obama to make that horrid Fred Goodwin give his pension back.

AMERICA breathed a sigh of relief last night as the White House confirmed that President Obama is not a chimpanzee.

POPE Benedict XVI has told Gordon Brown that he has believed some crazy things in his time but he's not buying that crap.

PRESIDENT Barack Obama yesterday fulfilled a key campaign promise by announcing the closure of Grey's Anatomy.

JOHN Roberts, the Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, was missing last night after ruining Barack Obama's inauguration.

BARACK Obama began his historic presidency yesterday with an historic call for hope, renewal, blah blah, hard work, all that sort of stuff.

PASSENGERS on the plane which crash landed on the Hudson river last night insisted the terrifying experience was much better than Heathrow.

ISRAEL has agreed to open a corridor into Gaza for essential humanitarian supplies and then fire hundreds of missiles at it.

ISRAEL and Hamas last night admitted the latest wave of deadly violence was one of the best they had seen in years.

PRESIDENT Bush last night claimed his decision to invade Iraq had been vindicated after US troops uncovered an arsenal of shoes on the outskirts of Fallujah.