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I'm just back from a fortnight in the Chagos Islands, and you cannot imagine a more British place

UNION Jacks hanging from every house. A portrait of the King in every kitchen. A spoonful of Marmite stirred into your tea. The Chagos Islands are the most British place on Earth.

Vice-presidential debate won by Voltrak of Mars

Everything you don't know and don't want to know about the conflict in the Middle East

WHY is it happening? When will it end? Is it my fault at all? Just a few of the things you do not know, and would prefer not to, about the conflict in the Middle East.

This will unfold just like when Iraq invaded Kuwait, agrees West

Starmer accidentally kisses Trump full on the lips

Things Trump says being reported as if they have meaning

RANDOM phrases that squirt out while Donald Trump is opening and closing his mouth are being reported as if they bear actual meaning.

Irony of being party of guns not lost on us, admit Republicans

You'd think he'd be hard to miss, says world

WHILE not hoping for his death the world has opined that Donald Trump, who is big and orange in a red hat, would surely be hard to miss.

We ask you: which British millionaires would you like to see piss off forever?

MULTI-millionaires are fleeing the UK for shit-boring tax havens in their droves. Which rich Brit would you cheer off at Heathrow?

Who won the presidential debate if one party spouted provably false bullshit throughout?

THE US presidential debate was a contest between a candidate who spent 90 minutes trying and failing to keep up with his own obvious lies, and another one. Who won?