Lifestyle

Five legitimate reasons not to get out of bed this morning

YOUR alarm has just gone off. Here’s why you’re absolutely justified in ignoring it.

Clothes you wear around the house that you wouldn't be seen dead in outside it

FASHION doesn’t exist indoors. Instead comfort reigns, which means you answer the door to the postman wearing these outfits.

Woman believes she can get ready in 15 minutes despite lifetime of evidence to contrary

A WOMAN is convinced she can be ready to leave the house in 15 minutes despite never once doing so in her entire adult life.

The driver's essential guide to abusive hand gestures

SIGNALLING to other motorists is an integral aspect of driving, and some intentions can only be expressed through hand gestures. Here’s a guide to the important ones.

Dog whose owner prefers dogs to people also prefers dogs to people

A DOG whose owner prefers canine to human company has confirmed that he absolutely does not prefer humans to dogs.

How to bugger it all up when you're actually on time

ARE you actually set to arrive on time for once in your life? Here’s how to f**k yourself over just before you cross the finish line.

How to fail to post a birthday card in just 23 easy steps

IT’S your friend’s birthday, and the least you can do is post them a card. Here’s how that one simple action will take over your life for a fortnight.

Thanks so much for the chance to get near-naked with strangers from the school run at 'Kayden's swim party'

INVITE received. Thanks for forcing me to be near-naked with pricks from the school run at your child's swimming pool birthday party.

Woman can't stress enough how little she takes herself seriously

A WOMAN who does not take herself seriously will go to any lengths to prove how totally chill she is.

In which sad, sad ways did you piss away your youth?

HAS your youth disappeared into life's rear view mirror? This is how you squandered your prime.