Lifestyle

THE human brain is a complex organ capable of amazing things. Unfortunately all yours does is retain this utterly useless trivia.

SOME things in life are clearly disgusting, like racism or Michael Gove jogging. But some things we like to pretend aren’t. Such as these:

THE furlough scheme starts winding down today, meaning the end of 15 months of being paid for doing f**k all. But how did you squander the opportunity of a lifetime? 

THERE is nothing more annoying than lying awake in bed wide awake because your brain won’t shut the f**k up. You’re probably thinking about some of these things... 

IS your partner into tarot, astrology or other superstitious crap? Here’s how not shout ‘it’s all bollocks’ right at them.

VISITING your mum? Suddenly noticed her house is filled with mad stuff you’d never find anywhere else? Look out for these key pieces.

A MODERN-DAY martyr has stoically come to terms with the fact she will not be having a European beach holiday this summer.

DID you think a spray of Lynx Africa in a bedroom that pungently stank of weed helped? It didn’t. No doubt you tried these other tricks too:

WHILE society might encourage you to mark the passing of time with birthdays, here are the real signs that you’re knocking on in years.

THANKS to inflation and quantative easing everything costs bloody loads now. These are the last five things you can still pick up for a fiver.