Relationships

'Men are intimidated by you', and other lies to tell your perpetually single female friend

FRIENDS with a fundamentally undateable woman? Reassure her that it’s not her fault even though it is with these lies.

Five sexual fantasies that would be mortifying to actually go through with

Got some sexual fantasies to tick off your bucket list? These should never become a reality because they’d be an excruciating let down.

The One Show: The worst TV programmes to try to initiate sex during

HAVING sex is usually better than watching the telly. However certain programmes are not conducive to putting the moves on your partner...

A man's options when a woman says 'It's nothing'

A MAN instinctively knows when a woman says ‘It’s nothing’, she means ‘It’s something’. But what really matters is the response that follows.

Enchanted woodland on midsummer's eve, and other wedding themes for simpering twats

GETTING married? Consumed with making your wedding stand out from all the others? These wedding themes will show everyone the real arsehole you.

Man doesn't realise he is a practise date

A MAN who is his partner’s first date since lockdown began has no idea that the date does not count because it is just for practise.

The questions men are shit-scared of women asking

DO you want to see the man in your life go rigid with terror? Try asking him one of these simple but terrifyingly difficult questions.

Relentless f**king messaging: Five things partners didn't have to worry about 20 years ago

THE economy was booming, the word Brexit didn’t exist, and romance in the early noughties was a piece of piss too. Here’s what partners didn’t have to faff about with back then.

Six things men can find before they find the clitoris

FORTY per cent of men could not identify the clitoris on a diagram. But here are six things they can find no trouble.

The six days of the year you're not allowed to dump someone

NEED to ditch that relationship baggage you grudgingly call your partner? Avoid these dates.