Society

THE UK is deluding itself that a wet, windy and f**king freezing spring means it can look forward to a lovely long hot summer.

TENANTS are scrubbing a flat from top to bottom before they move out as if it will actually get them their deposit back.

EXPERTS agree that your use of language says a great deal about whether you are a twat or not. Rate your vocabulary on our entirely scientific ‘twatometer’.

A NEW public body called Great British Railways is to be in charge of doubling fares semi-annually. But how will it work? 

NEED to quickly pop into the bank to see how overdrawn you are? These time-wasting bastards will turn this simple errand into a drawn-out slog.

EMBARRASSED that you’ve forgotten someone’s name? Instead of simply asking, why not do something weird and find out that way instead?

IN the 1970s certain things were of little concern to the public. Here are some that look a bit weird now.

GOING to the cinema? Contain your excitement by remembering these insufferable bellends will also be there.

THE Voter ID Bill is nothing compared to these ways of proving you're a UK resident. Take these items to the polling station.

STRUGGLING to find the right words on awkward occasions? These are the cards we desperately need to help us express ourselves.