Society

THE Royal Society for the Protection of Birds has admitted that pigeons are a rough bunch of bastards who bring the other birds down.

A PLUMBER who works 12 hours a day, seven days a week to keep up with demand wishes people would stop pestering him with bloody jobs they want doing.

A BREXITER has big-heartedly agreed to accept apologies from Remainers for all their terrible lies and smears.

WITH 2021 getting off to a miserable start, here are some tone-deaf phrases to use if you want to make the situation even worse.

GCSES and A-levels are cancelled and I, your teacher Mr Logan, will be deciding your grades based on one term’s work and my grudges. Which is fine because qualifications are bollocks.

AS we start a new year, everyone is convinced 2021 cannot possibly be as bad as 2020. They're right. It could be worse.

THERE’S a vaccine coming, unless the Tories f**k it up, and after the inevitable January lockdown life could return to normal. Make resolutions accordingly.

ARE you taking your bigotry round to see relatives on Christmas Day? Here’s how to make the table bristle with tension as they wonder what you’ll say next.

TRAVEL restrictions may have been eased, but queues and Brexit mean the average HGV driver will still see Christmas and New Year in on the M20. This will pass the time...

WITH socialising rules relaxed for a day for most of us, you won’t be spared agonising small talk with arseholes at family gatherings.