Society

OUR lives have changed, and so have the pathetic little life lessons we use in small talk. Try these 21st-century homilies...

LOCKDOWN approaching? Revive the nation’s Blitz spirit by setting off enough explosives to destroy the Isle of Man.

MIDDLE CLASS children are demanding a minimum standard of chocolate for Halloween and will not accept anything with less than 70 per cent cocoa content.

NEED to get somewhere? Literally all other forms of transport unavailable? You might be forced to catch the bus. Here are five awful bastards you’ll encounter on your journey.

DON’T sweat the small stuff, say wankers everywhere, but life does not seem to bear that out. Here are five stupid things it's fine to expend mental energy on instead of actual problems.

A MAN who thinks people expressing opinions about their values is a bad thing is wearing a great big poppy no one can fail to see.

STUDENTS locked down in university halls have begun acting like normal people, it has been confirmed. 

DO you think children should work for their pocket money and do endless part-time jobs for pennies? Here’s how to make them 'independent', or maybe 'psychologically scarred'.

Struggling to make bountiful meals for your kids on a budget of pennies? It’s not that hard, you lazy free school meals scrounger. Here’s how a dickhead on social media whips up feasts for next to nothing.

A SUBURBAN man spends a large amount of time fuming about things he does not agree with which have not actually happened.