Society

PEOPLE who express themselves in plain, simple terms are invariably wrong, it has emerged.

BRITONS have confirmed that four days of work per week is the most they can be expected to cope with.

LONDON commuters delayed for hours by a fire on the tracks at Vauxhall are thrilled that there is a genuine reason for once.

A SUNSHINE-INSPIRED attempt to do a social activity not involving the pub immediately died on its arse, it has emerged.

LEADING hipsters have met in a craft ale pub to discuss whether gammon should be the next food trend.

TESTING children at school is the only way to prepare them for constant, arbitrary judgement as adults, it has been claimed.

A MAN has been left awkwardly waiting for a response to his offer of a fist bump, it has emerged.

EVERYTHING about tipping in restaurants is idiotic, customers and waiters have agreed.

ANYONE who claims to enjoy gardening is a liar, it has emerged.

A BUS driver has given change from a £10 note without acting like it is a natural disaster.