Society

MUM Mary Fisher never admits to being out of the house on social media in case she gets burgled.

A MAN uses the meaningless word ‘bosh’ after doing even the simplest thing, it has emerged.

FEMALE body hair is a massive turn-off for virgins, shallow narcissists and picky twats, it has emerged.

A MOTHER has finally got around to finishing reading her now grown-up daughter’s teenage diaries.

THE driver of a mobile library is playing the chimes of an ice-cream van on his rounds as the perfect way to upset children, he has confirmed.

A WOMAN who dreamed that her partner was having an affair with her best friend has remained absolutely furious about it for the whole day.

A MAN has expressed joy at finally being old enough to go for a pint alone and not have anyone question him about it.

MOST Britons have confirmed they will not settle for anything less than living in a small village surrounded by a high wall.

A COUPLE are setting aside money so that they can take their parents to a local restaurant and beg for a house deposit.

A YOUNG couple have given their frightened relatives a tour of the deprived but ‘up and coming’ area where they have bought a flat.