Society

A MAN knows a great deal about coffee but nothing about anything else, it has emerged.

A LOCAL knobhead is annoying everyone where he lives by continuing to set off fireworks.

A REUSABLE shopping bag hanging on the back of a cupboard is a grim reminder of its owner’s inevitable death.

A FATHER-OF-THREE  suddenly developed a blokey relationship with a sales assistant while buying a new TV, it has emerged.

MOTORISTS have called for new punishments for speeding that do not penalise them in any meaningful way.

A CHRISTMAS fixated office worker has processed her last invoice of the year to devote the remaining time to 'festive preparations'.

PEOPLE across Britain have voiced their support for the dominant economic system, it has been confirmed.

A BOYFRIEND of two months has expressed fake wonder at how the leaves have changed colour.

PEOPLE should be in a state of lockdown inside their homes before children armed with fireworks start roaming the streets, officials have warned.

A GRANDFATHER has turned off his television as soon as a sex scene began.