Society

THOUSANDS of heroic Britons are selflessly downing extra pints of beer in the name of fiscal solvency.

A MAN from Leeds came within a split second of putting a row of Xs at the bottom of a text message to a woman he likes.

A WOMAN on the train is just not pregnant enough to oblige fellow passengers to offer her a seat, it has emerged.

BEING a member of ‘generation rent’ is far less interesting than being a punk, hippie or raver, renters have claimed.

A MIDDLE-aged man has purchased the functional sweater he will wear repeatedly until death.

A MAN who made a point of drinking water in between each pint of beer did not impress anyone, it has been confirmed.

A MAN has spent some of his two percent pay rise on some slightly better quality petrol.

BRITAIN has agreed that this week is a total waste of everyone's time.

A COUPLE'S quest to find a pub serving Sunday roasts has entered its third county without success.

RAIL companies have devised an incomprehensible new fare structure, specially for women.