Society

THE UK's children have increased their price for not being little bastards during half-term.

UNEMPLOYED Wayne Hayes is under the impression that 12 emails a day is a lot.

BRITAIN is to dig a tunnel through the Pennines because it was unable to come up with anything else.

TRIPS to bowling alleys are always organised by men who want to show off, it has emerged.

A POLISH man is overwhelming a village in Cornwall, it has been claimed.

THE vanguard of Russell Brand’s revolution will be people who are out of their minds, it has been confirmed.

DIVORCE lawyers are making unsolicited calls to ask if you have suffered a marriage, relationship or children that are not your fault.

SOUP is continuing to insist it is a main course despite barely functioning as a starter.

ONLY animals go to Heaven, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S national character now includes the belief that everything is an evil conspiracy.