Society

ANYTHING described as ‘totally legal’ is always the wrong thing to do, it has emerged.

OFFICIALS will enforce 'pinch, punch, first of the month' tomorrow, it has been confirmed.

DOG enthusiasts have called for stranger and more physically dysfunctional breeds.

INCREASINGLY narcissistic Britons only want to have sex with themselves, it has emerged.

A STAG party has petered out after only three hours of drinking.

THE forthcoming all-night London Underground services will be even scarier than night buses, it has been confirmed.

SINGLETON Tom Booker has filled in his online dating profile with information about his professional skills and employment history.

OFFICE joker Stephen Malley has admitted his seemingly spontaneous workplace quips are rigorously workshopped.

THE UK has been spared the prospect of a flag that looks like a tattoo on a cretin.

A FALL in unemployment may be connected to Iain Duncan Smith’s new pie shop in central London.