Society

DIVORCE lawyers are making unsolicited calls to ask if you have suffered a marriage, relationship or children that are not your fault.

SOUP is continuing to insist it is a main course despite barely functioning as a starter.

ONLY animals go to Heaven, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S national character now includes the belief that everything is an evil conspiracy.

A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.

A TIME capsule containing the Ebola virus, a bent iPhone 6 and a UKIP manifesto has been buried as a warning to future humans.

A COMMUNITY choir that welcomes all singing abilities would quite like it if the tuneless ones stopped turning up, it has emerged.

A BUS driver has confirmed that he welcomes passengers of all races, creeds and sexual orientations provided they do not try to pay with a note.

PASSENGERS on turbulent flights are pretending to read the in-flight magazine while inwardly shitting themselves.

NEW research has found that in any situation involving multiple humans one of them will be deliberately uncooperative.