Society

POLO shirts are not acceptable at smart occasions, lazy bastards have been told.

CHILDREN have begun six decades of doing things they do not want to do.

DESPITE being good at using technology, children are useless at adult pursuits like pub brawls or running a small business.

BORIS Johnson is to create an island sanctuary for people called Boris.

HUGE baby buggies, heavier people and kids on scooters threaten the UK with pedestrian gridlock by 2015.

UNIVERSITY graduates trapped in low-paid jobs have resolved to do them in a grudging, sour-faced manner.

The UK’s foremost authorities on privacy law have refused to confirm their availability for a working lunch next Friday.

THE DVLA has a team of seven-year-old girls making its tax discs using colourful card and glitter.

PRIMARY schoolchildren are to be educated in ending relationships by text, email, and Skype.

NON-RESIDENTS of Notting Hill are looking forward to this year’s chance to destroy the affluent London borough with impunity.