Society

PEOPLE ordering smaller glasses of beer have demanded an end to being ridiculed.

STUDENTS getting exam results have been reassured that even if they did less well than hoped, the whole thing is a load of bollocks.

THE police are to receive training in how to get on with solving crimes rather than just f*cking things up.

NOT socialising is preferable to hanging out with annoying people, it has been claimed.

BRITAIN’S currency has denounced its home country and has asked to be adopted by France.

POLICE community support officer Tom Booker has warned some kids that he can get the real police onto them.

BRITAIN'S dicks have used the 'supermoon' to excuse their awful personalities.

BRITONS have confirmed that the state can never come between them and drink.

COMPETENT builders have left their middle-class employers unable to complain extensively to friends.

PEOPLE who do not have children know more about raising them than those who do, it has been confirmed.