Society

KITCHENS in expensive restaurants are staffed by dangerous men, it has emerged.

MORE than 30 per cent of the country is off-limits because of fireworks that did not go off.

ALL small firms must be run by total maniacs heading for a coronary, according to a new EU ruling.

A WINTER coat has given its owner the unfounded sense of a new beginning.

THE devil has given up after admitting that the Debenhams Christmas advert is more evil than anything he could have conceived.

THE enormous poppy pinned to a woman's lapel was obviously designed to go on a vehicle.

EXPERTLY carving a Halloween pumpkin is the new way to demonstrate your virility, men have confirmed.

THE parents of 25-year-old Nathan Muir are celebrating their son’s decision to abandon his band for a job in a bank.

43-YEAR-OLD Tom Booker’s cleaning regime is repeatedly applying to a TV series where strangers come and sort it out.

THE next individual to describe themselves as ‘loving’ this or that can be punched squarely in the face, the government has confirmed.