Society

A WINTER coat has given its owner the unfounded sense of a new beginning.

THE devil has given up after admitting that the Debenhams Christmas advert is more evil than anything he could have conceived.

THE enormous poppy pinned to a woman's lapel was obviously designed to go on a vehicle.

EXPERTLY carving a Halloween pumpkin is the new way to demonstrate your virility, men have confirmed.

THE parents of 25-year-old Nathan Muir are celebrating their son’s decision to abandon his band for a job in a bank.

43-YEAR-OLD Tom Booker’s cleaning regime is repeatedly applying to a TV series where strangers come and sort it out.

THE next individual to describe themselves as ‘loving’ this or that can be punched squarely in the face, the government has confirmed.

RURAL villages that mark Halloween with funny old-fashioned ceremonies always kill someone at the end, it has emerged.

THE Daily Mail has welcomed a poll which shows just how incredibly wrong British people are about levels of immigration.

BRITAIN’S middle class people are sick of having to stay in cold, draughty old cottages whenever they go on holiday.