Society

Northern Britain already hammered

EVERYONE in Britain north of Birmingham is already very drunk indeed.

New teen police commissioners to be at least 54

NEW youth police commissioners must be at least 54 and really into the first six albums by Yes.

Unprofitable families to be privatised

LOSS-MAKING families are to be sold off by the government.

Osborne: Let's end the stigma of disabled parking

GEORGE Osborne says parking in disabled people's spaces can boost their self-esteem.

Bullies demand fat kid clarification

BRITAIN’S thugs have asked whether jiggling a fat person is a hate crime.

Thick old people slam thick young people

THICKHEADED older people have criticised educational standards among young thickos.

Britain's welfare debate 'not working'

THE British system of debating social security is open to rampant abuse and exploitation, according to research.

Britons still relying on class system for their personalities

BRITISH people are still incapable of coming up with personalities for themselves.